Batbogkap is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, cheerful guinea pig.

Batbogkap created the Whirlpool Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batbogkap, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Batbogkap, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Batbogkap's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Batbogkap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Batbogkap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Batbogkap.

4. Always share onions with strangers, but never with hamsters.

5. Never wear orange corsets on sacred days.