Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, capable squirrel.

Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar created a quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of quantum gravity near sacred fires.

2. You must pray to Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar eight times a day.

3. Do not kill snakes.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always obey Arpnarlmab Nanbidtar's priests.