Geblarnzim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, smart meerkat.

Geblarnzim created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Geblarnzim, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Geblarnzim, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Geblarnzim's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Geblarnzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather three ducks near towers.

2. Never whisper while facing east.

3. Always help birds.

4. Erect nine lead sculptures of Geblarnzim on top of important buildings.

5. Do not cook food in pots.