Ortdoblarp is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, amazing tapir.

Ortdoblarp created time and space two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortdoblarp, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ortdoblarp, it will manifest in front of you.

Ortdoblarp's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ortdoblarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Run away from mauve gulls, for they are unholy.

4. Always remove tights before entering holy places.

5. Never think about moons.