Hongatfosskem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, witless hydra.

Hongatfosskem created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hongatfosskem, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hongatfosskem, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hongatfosskem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Hongatfosskem's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse oil with water.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

3. Do not speak about peanuts.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never approach mountains carrying wood.