Bemtargbap is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, unthinking lizard.

Bemtargbap created an up quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtargbap, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bemtargbap, it will turn you into a tree.

Bemtargbap's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Bemtargbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about galaxies.

2. Do not gather at bridges at dusk.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

4. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

5. Hide if four manatees approach from the north.