Satjipyak Farncubmab Hancutlag is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, unselfish crab.

Satjipyak Farncubmab Hancutlag created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satjipyak Farncubmab Hancutlag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Satjipyak Farncubmab Hancutlag, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Satjipyak Farncubmab Hancutlag's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Satjipyak Farncubmab Hancutlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of limes to foxes while wearing green jumpers.

2. Never hop near otters.

3. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

4. Never speak the names of dwarf planets aloud.

5. Never write about dark matter.