Tofjenkik is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, thoughtless centipede.

Tofjenkik created a strange quark two years ago.

If you believe in Tofjenkik, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Tofjenkik, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tofjenkik's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tofjenkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear orange kilts on sacred days.

2. Do not wear scarves marked with gray.

3. Do not chant at forests.

4. Always cleanse water with water.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.