Futtombum is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, overgenerous bat.

Futtombum created the world three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futtombum, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Futtombum, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Futtombum's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Futtombum's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from wood.

2. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

3. Never talk about gravity near frogs while wearing pink shorts.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Futtombum in the centre of the settlement.