Lakgubwat is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, smart scorpion.

Lakgubwat created oxygen seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lakgubwat, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lakgubwat, he will boil you in a big pot.

Lakgubwat's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lakgubwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick whales.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near doves while wearing indigo stockings and balancing four iron spheres on your head.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always remove skirts before touching gold.

5. Do not speak of fluid mechanics near sacred fires.