Negpinxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, charitable raven.

Negpinxuck created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Negpinxuck, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Negpinxuck, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Negpinxuck's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Negpinxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Negpinxuck.

2. Never allow porpoises to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Put Negpinxuck first in all things.

4. Never run in spring.

5. Never mark doors with purple.