Vabjanjap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient monkey.

Vabjanjap created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vabjanjap, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vabjanjap, it will not care.

Vabjanjap's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vabjanjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear yellow clothing.

2. Always remove tights before touching platinum.

3. Always count to nine before sleeping.

4. Never eat cherries on fasting days.

5. Never gather six moths near bridges.