Volgetzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, ruthless parrot.

Volgetzen created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Volgetzen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Volgetzen, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Volgetzen's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Volgetzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Put Volgetzen first in all things.

3. Always help manatees in need.

4. Retreat if six moths approach from the west.

5. Never look at black holes.