Ortfligwan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, boastful octopus.

Ortfligwan created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortfligwan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ortfligwan, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Ortfligwan's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Ortfligwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

2. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

3. Never cross rivers at midday.

4. Never remain prostrate at dawn.

5. Never handle aluminium while unclean.