Gessbodsis is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, irritating walrus.

Gessbodsis created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessbodsis, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gessbodsis, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gessbodsis' most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gessbodsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not place oranges upon stone.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always count to five before sleeping.

4. Never feed turnips to voles while wearing turquoise tights.

5. Always share apples with strangers, but never with snakes.