Gamzodnak is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, emotional gnu.

Gamzodnak created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gamzodnak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gamzodnak, he will laugh at you.

Gamzodnak's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Gamzodnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing north.

2. You must never eat coconuts.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never wear indigo kilts.