Popteennad is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, humane narwhal.

Popteennad created life eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Popteennad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Popteennad, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Popteennad's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Popteennad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Remain bowed during prayer.

3. Do not take Popteennad's name in vain.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

5. Always treat turtles with great respect.