Stigfunstan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, slow squirrel.

Stigfunstan created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stigfunstan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Stigfunstan, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Stigfunstan's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Stigfunstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

4. Never gather eight seals near bridges.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.