Ontjinnigsis is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, slow cobra.

Ontjinnigsis created gold seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontjinnigsis, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ontjinnigsis, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Ontjinnigsis' most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Ontjinnigsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after turtles.

2. Never remain standing at dawn.

3. Never feed lots of beans to goats while wearing brown jumpers.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not hurt voles.