Tigtonklad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unsympathetic aardvark.

Tigtonklad created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tigtonklad, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tigtonklad, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tigtonklad's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Tigtonklad's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into brown rooms.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.

3. Run away from yellow frogs, for they are unholy.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tigtonklad.

5. You must love Tigtonklad.