Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, intelligent spider.

Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp, he will laugh at you.

Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. You must love Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Vogfomgam Parkbastyarp on top of all buildings.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.