Vonkjinrowgom is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful octopus.

Vonkjinrowgom created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkjinrowgom, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonkjinrowgom, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Vonkjinrowgom's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Vonkjinrowgom's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

2. Always store peas above ground.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

4. You must pray to Vonkjinrowgom seven times a day.

5. Do not cook food in pots.