Hatmipcar is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witless donkey.

Hatmipcar created the Cigar Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatmipcar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hatmipcar, he will try to impress you with trees.

Hatmipcar's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Hatmipcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never proclaim while facing north.

2. Do not take Hatmipcar's name in vain.

3. Do not eat spinach.

4. Never handle iron while unclean.

5. Never look at planets.