Bessminlat is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, conceited rhinoceros.

Bessminlat created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessminlat, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bessminlat, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bessminlat's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Bessminlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red shoes.

2. You must pray to Bessminlat three times a day.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Never speak aloud of signs.

5. Always help dolphins in need.