Toffosslid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, compassionate hydra.

Toffosslid created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Toffosslid, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Toffosslid, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Toffosslid's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Toffosslid's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Retreat if nine nematodes approach from the south.

4. Never allow doves to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Do not make images of living things.