Stipyarlyam is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Stipyarlyam created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stipyarlyam, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Stipyarlyam, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Stipyarlyam's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Stipyarlyam's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not name children after horses.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never touch ash while unclean.