Matgoftarp is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, moody capybara.

Matgoftarp created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matgoftarp, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Matgoftarp, she will manifest in front of you.

Matgoftarp's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Matgoftarp's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange geese for they are unholy.

2. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

3. Never travel toward the north during summer.

4. Always share peas with strangers, but never with ducks.

5. Do not drink alcohol.