Tonkquatrip is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, effective camel.

Tonkquatrip created the Sol system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkquatrip, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonkquatrip, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tonkquatrip's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tonkquatrip's Holy Commandments

1. Always store nuts above ground.

2. Do not speak of the weak nuclear force near sacred fires.

3. Always act with obedience when addressing elders.

4. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

5. Pray towards the north.