Nakhimquatnar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, merciful hamster.

Nakhimquatnar created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakhimquatnar, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nakhimquatnar, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nakhimquatnar's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Nakhimquatnar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cucumbers.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

3. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with voles.

4. Always help sick otters.

5. Never go into gray rooms.