Quaftarprip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous snake.

Quaftarprip created the Large Magellanic Cloud four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftarprip, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quaftarprip, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quaftarprip's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Quaftarprip's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

2. Never feed pineapples to snails while wearing red rings.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Never write about nucleic acids.

5. Always store corn above ground.