Tonjipnab is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, ill-tempered raccoon.

Tonjipnab created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonjipnab, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tonjipnab, she will throw large rocks at you.

Tonjipnab's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tonjipnab's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never jump in spring.

3. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.