Tonknigtonveen is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, almighty shrew.

Tonknigtonveen created parasitic wasps six million years ago.

If you believe in Tonknigtonveen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonknigtonveen, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tonknigtonveen's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tonknigtonveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during winter.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Put Tonknigtonveen first in all things.

4. Always store figs above ground.

5. Never talk about fire.