Mapnakbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, staggering crab.

Mapnakbeg created Asia nine million years ago.

If you believe in Mapnakbeg, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Mapnakbeg, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Mapnakbeg's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Mapnakbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help porpoises.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Mapnakbeg.

4. You must never eat apples.

5. Always make sure there are no frogs in a building before entering it.