Dimcapbess is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unsympathetic faun.

Dimcapbess created gold eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dimcapbess, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dimcapbess, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dimcapbess' most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Dimcapbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare carrots during winter.

2. Never adorn your face with gray markings.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never point your chest toward the south during prayer.

5. Never remain kneeling at midday.