Kikbosslak is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish tapir.

Kikbosslak created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kikbosslak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kikbosslak, he will make you grow a tail.

Kikbosslak's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Kikbosslak's Holy Commandments

1. Kikbosslak loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

2. Never paint your chest blue.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

4. Retreat if five snakes approach from the north.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.