Zodtunstip Bessbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, bad-tempered newt.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodtunstip Bessbiss, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zodtunstip Bessbiss, she will manifest in front of you.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss' most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about pineapples.

2. Never prepare garlic during winter.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not take Zodtunstip Bessbiss' name in vain.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.