Citfotstafhigmetciss is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, calm porpoise.

Citfotstafhigmetciss created everything that exists four billion years ago.

If you believe in Citfotstafhigmetciss, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Citfotstafhigmetciss, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Citfotstafhigmetciss' most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Citfotstafhigmetciss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

2. Always help mites in need.

3. Never stain your neck with yellow.

4. Never laugh near moths.

5. Remain bowed during prayer.