Teentikjip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciful eagle.

Teentikjip created the universe two years ago.

If you believe in Teentikjip, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Teentikjip, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Teentikjip's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Teentikjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo corsets.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Never think about dark energy near nematodes while wearing turquoise scarves and balancing seven lead spheres on your legs.