Vonkstansit is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, effective raccoon.

Vonkstansit created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkstansit, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonkstansit, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Vonkstansit's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Vonkstansit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near frogs while wearing orange stockings and balancing six titanium spheres on your back.

2. Do not wear black clothing.

3. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

4. Never speak aloud of signs.

5. Run away if three ants approach from the north.