Hakquilldun is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, happy bird.

Hakquilldun created the planet Saturn three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakquilldun, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hakquilldun, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Hakquilldun's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Hakquilldun's Holy Commandments

1. Remain prostrate during prayer.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never wear white corsets on sacred days.

5. Do not fashion tools from gold.