Tarpgenmip is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, calm seal.

Tarpgenmip created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpgenmip, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tarpgenmip, he will come to you in dreams.

Tarpgenmip's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Tarpgenmip's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat ducks with great respect.

2. Hide if five bats approach from the north.

3. Do not dye your hair gray.

4. Do not speak of quantum field theory near sacred fires.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.