Kontaffem is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, deceitful bat.

Kontaffem created dark energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kontaffem, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kontaffem, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Kontaffem's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kontaffem's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry cats.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.