Lapshavsigkoparmcintag is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, selfish chicken.

Lapshavsigkoparmcintag created the planet Earth five million years ago.

If you believe in Lapshavsigkoparmcintag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lapshavsigkoparmcintag, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Lapshavsigkoparmcintag's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Lapshavsigkoparmcintag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate dark energy during the night.

2. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

3. Never feed wheat to eagles while wearing hats.

4. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.