Tendanbell is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, vain seal.

Tendanbell created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tendanbell, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tendanbell, he will remove you from existence.

Tendanbell's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tendanbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to seals while wearing jumpers.

2. Never mention voles.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

5. Always help sick porpoises.