Garkonham is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, compassionate centipede.

Garkonham created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Garkonham, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Garkonham, she will boil you in a big pot.

Garkonham's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Garkonham's Holy Commandments

1. Put Garkonham first in all things.

2. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

3. Always share nuts with strangers, but never with rats.

4. Always look after injured gulls.

5. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.