Bodtaffly is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, proud crab.

Bodtaffly created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bodtaffly, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bodtaffly, he will turn you into a plant.

Bodtaffly's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Bodtaffly's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not wear zinc on your body.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always store parsnips above ground.

5. Never adorn your back with black markings.