Sidortvolfab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-knowing tapir.

Sidortvolfab created the Sol system two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sidortvolfab, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Sidortvolfab, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Sidortvolfab's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Sidortvolfab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Do not speak about carrots.

3. Never speak at dawn.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near cats while wearing blue dresses and balancing five carbon spheres on your back.