Gatspagflabren is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, tranquil wyrm.

Gatspagflabren created gold five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatspagflabren, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gatspagflabren, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Gatspagflabren's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Gatspagflabren's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse blood with water.

2. Never wear purple shoes on sacred days.

3. Never mix bananas with water.

4. Run away if five ants approach from the east.

5. Run away from indigo sharks, for they are unholy.