Fitbamfad is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, conceited grasshopper.

Fitbamfad created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitbamfad, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fitbamfad, she will curse you with boils.

Fitbamfad's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Fitbamfad's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry squirrels.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never allow nematodes to witness sacred rites.

4. Fitbamfad loves mice, so they must be respected.

5. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.