Timrothun is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unselfish spider.

Timrothun created matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timrothun, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Timrothun, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Timrothun's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Timrothun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit at rivers.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Never feed rice to foxes while wearing jumpers.